Jack’s Guide To Writing Oral Sex (Part 1)
The prompt for this series of articles comes (ha!) from a question asked of me on Twitter. I gave an audio response which I wanted to expand upon, and so, here we are. Part 1 here explores some guidelines I use in my writing, with the following parts exploring performing oral on a pussy (Part 2) and on a cock (Part 3).
As an erotica writer, I often include oral sex in much of what I write. Oral is so fucking underrated in the genre and I love including it. It’s one of my favorite sex acts — both giving and receiving — and a perfect prelude to build tension between characters, and acts as a primer for any additional sex that occurs; although it can stand satisfactorily on its own. It’s also one of the most intimate sex acts between two characters and allows exploring vulnerability, sexual boundaries, and sexual growth, along with love and the relationship between two people.
This, of course, is also true in real life.
Not everyone enjoys it, and it’s not a necessary part of having a satisfying sex life, but it can add to the pleasure and enjoyment of any sex session, enhancing it.
It may also be the entire sex session, because when done right, it will blow (ha!) the other person’s mind, sending them temporarily to oblivion.
Oral is perfect for a quickie or as a promise with more to come, or even the last act of having a sex session. Or even an extended series of events that drive a person to distraction.
Again, this applies to writing and real life.
Did I mention I love oral?
Because I really. Fucking. Do.
I love seeing her squirm and twist as she moans and groans as I find those sweet delicious spots and moves that leave her gasping before she grinds on my face and finally orgasms.
So, here’s some general guidelines I use in my writing and in real life regarding oral sex — which also apply to any other type of sex — to make sure it’s as mind-blowing as possible for the other person, and for me.
Consent, Consent, Consent
This is the absolute first thing that would be done. Consent is everything and is sexy. Without consent, you move into perilous waters. In writing, this means you move into content that isn’t accepted on most mainstream sites/stores and that can get your account suspended or terminated. In real life, without consent, you’ll be hurting people and potentially performing criminal acts. Consent should always be given as explicitly as possible to ambiguity and wrong assumptions. If you’re not sure, don’t proceed. Once you get consent, then get ready to have fun.
Respect Boundaries
If the person you’re with isn’t into oral, don’t pursue it, even if you have consent. Period. If they tell you to stop during it, then stop. Period. Boundaries and consent are not the same thing, though they interplay with each other. Boundaries must be respected, and if you can’t respect them, you shouldn’t be doing anything. Roleplaying changes this, of course, and there are specific kinks that push to the edge of boundaries, such as Consensual Non-Consent (CNC). In writing, there’s a lot of room for displaying and showing boundaries between characters with the give and take of dialogue and action. In real life, boundaries are often hard to share and adhere to, especially self-boundaries. Some people just don’t like oral and won’t be interested in giving or receiving. And that’s okay.
Get Into The Mood
You don’t just dive straight in and stick your mouth onto their genitals. Oral works best if they’re already turned on. Kissing, touching, licking, and dirty talk/texts set the mood. Music, lighting, food, and all the other trappings of romance do too. Sometimes those are needed, but sometimes just being with the other person is enough. In both writing and real life, using as many of the five senses as you can before going down on them enhances every moment of what comes next.
It’s All About Them
During oral, the focus should be on them and making them feel good, although you should also feel good giving oral; performing oral is about putting the receiver first. You give, they receive. Your pleasure is secondary to theirs because you want them to feel special and important. When you turn it back to being about your needs, you reduce the impact of oral. In both writing and real life, the receiver needs to know that they’re the center of attention. When performing 69, you become both giver and receiver, which makes for a lot of fun. You can also take turns performing oral on each other while edging to escalate enjoyment of it.
There Is No Singular Way
Every body is different, and every person is different. What works with one person may not work on another, and you’re likely to have to change things up to find out what someone likes and doesn’t like. Some people don’t even know what they like until they experience it for the first time, or perhaps they’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past that have limited their enjoyment of the act. Having oral sex with someone for the first time often requires experimentation and getting out of your own comfort zone to give the other what they like. It’s worth it. In writing an oral scene, having the receiver describe what they are feeling as they are being licked, bitten, sucked, nibbled, or otherwise teased follows the maxim of Show, don’t tell.
Read And Listen To The Person
Look for feedback as you’re going down on them. Listen for moans and little gasps, changes in breathing, and what they say or moan. Watch for how they move and the positions they shift into to enhance their own pleasure. Communicate throughout, asking if what you’re doing works or not, and follow their lead. Don’t guess, because you’ll likely be wrong. Including dialogue in scenes helps show how characters are reacting to each other in a much more powerful way that just writing about what bodies are doing; there are only so many actions that you can write about, but thousands of ways to verbalize pleasure, including with moans and whimpers. Verbalize during oral in real life, because your partner is going to use those as cues.
It’s A Marathon Not A Sprint
While oral can be enjoyed quickly, taking your time to perform it makes it into something truly special. Long periods of edging and teasing help draw out the experience. And there’s nothing to stop you performing oral, then penetration, then going back to oral again. It’s your fun time, so choose how often you want to include it during sex. Sometimes it might not even be included, or it might be the central act all night, because not all sex needs to have penetration. In writing, I find the Rule of Three to be a powerful literary device, so I may have characters perform oral three times — one giving, one receiving, and both — or I may include it three times throughout an entire story.
Escalation and Deescalation
When you get a positive response, escalate the experience. Start slow and sensual and lead up to fast and focused, keeping in mind to read the person and their response to what you’re doing. Hold hands, play with their nipples, use your fingers in and around their ass. Squeeze their thighs, abdomen, and ass. Grab their hair and pull on it, or hold their head hard against you. Be gentle until it’s time to be rough. Edging is the perfect form of escalation both in writing and in real life, but always include a payoff — even if it’s not an orgasm.
Experimentation
Don’t just do the one thing and expect miraculous results. Try out things you’ve never tried before. Mouths and tongues and genitals come in all different shapes and sizes and not everyone reacts the same, so you’ll need to experiment to find out what works for you both and what doesn’t. If you’ve got experience in doing oral, share what you like with the other person and what you don’t like. Like all sex, communication is key to finding shared bliss.
Turnabout Is Fair Play
Take turns giving oral, because it’s fun to give and it’s fun to receive. It doesn’t have to happen during the same session/scene, but reciprocating oral expresses intimacy and caring for the other person.
Remember To Have Fun
There’s a lot of pressure to “get oral right”, and that’s a lot of bullshit. You both get to decide what’s right, and everyone has different tolerances and acts they like. Sometimes, you’ll find you want to burst into fits of laughter or giggles because you’re being touched in just the right way and that you’re happy. There’s little that’s more sensual than sharing grinning and laughter during sex, and it shows a genuine connection between two characters.
I’ll go into further detail in some things above in the next parts of this series, but for now I hope this has been a helpful starting point for a window into how I view oral as an essential and fun part of sex, whether on the page or off it.